A tragic incident occurred today when a man was killed by a lethal fart. Sixty year old Farmer and father of two John Giles was literally blown to smithereens whilst trying to help his cow Clementine. According to Farmer Giles’s wife Clementine had been suffering with severe flatulence all morning and the noise of the farts could be heard as far as five miles away in neighboring Hertfordshire.Bystanders said that deafening fart noises as well as an unbearable stench made it almost impossible to approach the barn where the flatulent bovine was being housed. Being a conscientious livestock farmer Mr. Giles faced the storm erupting from Clementine’s rear end and apparently entered the barn in the early hours of the morning. Brave Farmer Giles was practically atomized by the impact force of what experts are calling a sub sonic super anal oxide fart.
Mike Frattleworth of the BFRF ‘Bovine Flatulence Research Fund’ had this to say about the incident: “It’s not just the sheer force of these supersonic farts that kill, the noxious gases can fill a man’s lungs in seconds and essentially turn him inside out, now that’s no ordinary air biscuit. Although this latest case is tragic Mrs. Giles is very lucky that she too wasn’t killed or maimed in the confusion”. Mr Frattleworth set up the BFRF after his wife was tragically killed last year under similar circumstances to Farmer Giles.Death by fart isn’t as rare as you might expect and with over 45 incidents in England alone this year health and safety officials are calling for serious investigations.