Tuesday, 19 December 2017

Saint Denis, Abbot Suger of St.-Denis Church, Quote



“Often on feast days, completely filled, it disgorged through all its doors the excess of the crowds as they moved in opposite directions, and the outward pressure of the foremost ones not only prevented those attempting to enter from entering but also expelled those that had already entered. At times you could see, a marvel to behold, that the crowded multitude offered so much resistance to those who strove to flock in to worship and kiss the holy relics, the Nail and Crown of the Lord, that no one among the countless thousands of people because of their very density could move a foot; that no one, because of their very congestion, could do anything but stand like a marble statue, stay benumbed or, as a last resort, scream.”

Eleventh century, Abbot Suger of St.-Denis Church


Wednesday, 23 August 2017

What a zoo! What a circus! What a Joke!



I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, to do a lot of shadow work and go into myself and face my demons, it’s painful, it’s dark and its gruesome. One thing that comes up with me is this sense of total powerlessness. I am 38 and made my transition from childhood to manhood in the 90’s. I remember going to New York, as a 19 year old. I was studying for my degree in fine art at Liverpool University and it was almost mandatory that all first years went on the famous “new York” trip. All I remember is being like a bunny rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming car unable to move. I had always thought of Liverpool as an overgrown urban shit tip but being confronted by New York was like the famed frog who after declaring his hole to be the whole universe found his head exploding upon leaving his home. Each city block was as big as the whole of Liverpool. I walked down city block after city block starring upwards with my mouth open, dumbfounded at the size and scale of that monstrous city.


The trip was to look at art. I did. It was then that I realized that for every artist who made it into one of the big galleries there were millions who didn't and would never even get shown in small galleries. I was crushed by this revelation.  And this theme covered all trades, all routes upwards. And this chicken factory mentality showed in most of the shitty art I did see.

The sheer size of that city brought home just how immeasurably vast human society was. And that was just one city. We had taken over the world. Everything had been done a million times already. This was 1998 everything was a little bit grubbier and less connected by the internet and telecommunications, but basically everything was the same. It’s been 20 years since then and all we have done is continue to expand our population and consumption of raw materials growing exponentially.

Anyway it was around this time I developed this sense of helplessness, pointlessness, a sense that the “good” fight was over. Everyone I met, the hordes around me were and still are driven by greed and selfish motives. It’s a circus. A human Zoo. A Joke. I still don’t know what to do. I looked around New York, and London and Amsterdam and Paris and Rome and many, many other places, and I never saw one game that I might like to get involved with. Everything, every job I went for, every relationship I started, everything I saw around me was corrupted, the bottom line always being unfair gain at the expense of some poor sod.

Every day that goes by we sink deeper and deeper into this unrelenting materialism. We haven’t reached the turning point yet, but we must. For the past 7 years I have had this sense that it just can’t carry on. I think everyone has it subconsciously. Everyone is waiting for some kind of explosion, a global currency crash, run out of oil, third world war, a meteorite, even fucking Aliens arriving and wiping us out! Anything but this continued madness, this insanity of consumerism and materialism. Please God it cannot go on. It must stop. Surely this Saturnian psychosis must come to an end soon!

Some of us have been forced, mentally pushed and beaten into spirituality, desperately- desperately trying to find meaning in such an insane world. Some kind of escape!  But those of us who have benefited, who have studied year after year, done the shadow work, tore our souls apart and found a truth beyond the veil of materiality are in the very few, the very few and we are surrounded by robots and reptiles. Human sized Tyrannosaurus Rexes stand beside plastic synthetic robots on the train station. Prozac Zombies march down streets and sit in taxi cabs starring at little boxes. And thousands upon thousands of us who try to lift the veil go insane, drink ourselves to death, inject ourselves to death, oxycontinizing, tramadolizing, valiumizing
ourselves into oblivion or worse die a defeated pitiful death inside and become silent slaves pretending to be a T Rex or a Robot but imitating the zombies a hell of a lot better.

What a zoo! What a circus! What a Joke!

If you are fighting this outdated insane system but feel like you aren’t getting anywhere don’t give up. Free your mind from the lies and you will find a way to happiness. The lies that science has figured shit out, the lies that when you die its lights out and oblivion forever, the lies that it’s survival of the fittest, the lies that money and power are everything, the lies that the symbol is more important than the reality it represents.

Pity the rich, pity the ‘powerful’ and pity the famous they are more enslaved and more enmeshed in the thick grimy soil of materialism than anyone. Don’t envy those who are so far gone that they think themselves successful because of money or power. Real success is lifting the veil. 

Saturday, 19 August 2017

Cadmus And The Mystery of Music

Typhon the monstrous snaky giant, son of Kronos, fought Zeus and tore out his ligaments. Apollo and Pan sought the help of Cadmus who plays the flute to Typhon. Typhon is taken in with the music but Cadmus tells him his real magic comes when he plays the Lyre but he hasn’t any strings to play it. Typhon gives Cadmus Zeus’s ligaments and tells him to use them; Apollo and Pan quickly take the ligaments and give them back to Zeus and then Zeus defeats Typhon.

We are so enmeshed in physical matter, our heart center is covered by a mass of nerve ganglion, we are distracted by our body and cannot fire up our hearts. Our heart and mind become disconnected and we become despondent. Our nerves and ligaments are like Typhon preventing our minds from connecting with our hearts. Music is the best medicine and the last gift of the Gods for when we are at our lowest ebb down here in gross physical matter. Music overcomes the cluster of snaking nerves that cover our heart and sets it alight; it reconnects heart, mind and soul and we can raise our selves up spiritually.

















Sunday, 19 February 2017

The Two Girls





There is an isle unseen by living eye
Where death and pain and bad things fly
It’s filled with the screams of two orphaned girls
Whose cries soar sick in awkward swirls
It began when two girls were left at a church door
Both of their parents dead from war
The two girls grew to be great friends
Through tears of loss they made amends
In their strange lives they were silent
But hearts grow cold and thoughts turn violent
Sinister sly with whispered glooms
Like ghosts they hid in darkened tombs
At ten years old they looked the same
Ones name was Sarah the other Jane
Jane was like a locked up tower
Whilst Sarah had a ferocious power
The two felt fortified as one
Defensive deadly dour and strong
If careless children dared to mock
They’d quickly cruelly make them stop
They committed sickening crimes and became defiled 
Too twisted to turn in the mind of a child
They killed young boys with quiet treachery 
Were never caught in their dishonest lechery 
Then one summer they went to the beach
And played together out of reach
No one saw the small boat they found
None winced when they were seaward bound
They rowed out silent and austere
But then looked back in pangs of fear
The waves grew big the sea turned black 
Soon they saw they could not turn back
They battled roaring waves in raising dread
Through stinging eyes they saw a coast ahead
With a desperate urgent frantic attempt
They made the shore all bent and spent
The isle had come on quick with ominous night
Appearing and looming strangely to their sight
And on its creeping slimy shores 
The girls lay beaten on broken oars 
And then from the dead dark sky like a bat
Descended a strange creature wearing a pilgrim hat 
With long white head and many black eyes squinting
It went to where the limp girls lay twitching
A grotesque figure stooped upon their dormant forms
And searched about them with bony arms
Gnashing under its slimy slender nose
Were Razor sharp teeth on swollen gums in crooked rows
The skeltonal fiend sniffed at their clothes
It raked their ribs and bit their toes
The girls, unconscious, felt no fear
As the creature licked its thin lips and leered
Its eyes rolled round its heaving head
As it grinned grimaces and mumbled words of dread
Awkwardly it picked up Jane and held her tight
And leaped up reeling in mischievous flight
Sarah woke to sounds of dark water
Blazing moon shone down upon her 
Teeth locked as she looked about
Dread choked out her desire to shout 
Running blindly with outreached hands
Her limbs failed to obey commands
Through rocks and bush she frantically searched
Up dark hills she spun and stumbled and lurched
Her head was spinning and she shook from fright,
she staggered on in the dead of night 
suddenly she thought she saw her friend 
A silent figure brings fear too deep to comprehend
With shaking hand she reached out 
She couldn’t speak she couldn’t shout 
Terror seemed to tremble the very ground 
As she touched Jane Jane spun around
Her eyes dead her mouth wide open
The top of her skull was completely broken
Through streams of blood her scalp was missing
And in its place white bone and brains shook and glistened
Screaching the beast appeared from the deathly sky
With dead cold hands Sarah held Jane tight and closed her eyes
The monster grasped a hand around each of their frames
Cracked open their skulls and began to feed on their brains
Eventually the slimy thing had had his fill
And the two girls sat glaring startled still
Gently moaning and groaning in horror and pain
Looking about unblinking without their brains
The tops of the heads gone and their skulls open to the air
their hands twitching under sad eyes that search and stare

Monday, 13 February 2017

Buy This Original Painting For $25!

This is a one time special offer, buy this original painting of the 5 elements for just $25. It is 16 inches by 12 inches and half an inch thick - bold colorful acrylic on canvas. Simply email me at tefl.steve@live.com and tell me that you want it!



Through meditating I noticed different, almost indescribable sensations. A grounding sense of gravity, a breathtaking sense of space, a moving energy, a joy at the heart and a comfortable warmth. Then I came across the Bon Buddhist teachings on the 5 elements and applied these teachings to my experiences. I spent time going through each element exploring what they could be, how they could be encountered. I painted a small picture of each element as I internally investigated these sensations. This painting represents the unification of the five internal elements.


Art Prints